20 Things I Know For Sure

I’ve spent a lot of years now growing my spirit, understanding greater truths and learning how universal laws apply to me and, therefore, those around me. After spending such energy in cultivating this kind of awareness, I can at last share with you some of the things that I know for sure. It’s not an inclusive list, nor is it in any particular order, nor are they particularly earth-shattering, but they were revelational at the time I learned them. I share them here in case they resonate with you.

1. When you have an emotional charge to something or someone, it’s an indicator that you haven’t learned what you need to know yet.

If something has the power to create a charge in you (a sting, a zing or a “ping”), it is something you need to look at, learn about and resolve. There is a truth hiding there that you need to bring into your world in some way. Look in your shadows for the biggest growth potential.

For example, if you feel like you are having a bad hair day, and someone says something about your hair, it hurts. But, if you know you are having a good (or at least ok) hair day, and someone comments on your hair, there is no affect for you. So the charge is in knowing that your hair isn’t looking good, and wanting it to be different. When you get your hair looking good, and you know it, it doesn’t matter what someone else says about it.

It’s the same thing when someone says they are a bad test taker, and have fear around taking a professional certification exam – it’s a leftover defense from an old program. When that belief is exposed to be old and not real, it can’t exist anymore.

Bottom line: darkness can’t live in the light.

2. Failure is impossible

Each and every situation simply shows you that you need to learn something else or you did as a result of the experience. Nothing is a failure – ever.

Failure is another way to say “experiment”. It is something that gives you more knowledge/experience/exposure than you had before. Edison needed 86 times to invent the light bulb – if he had quit at 85, we wouldn’t have light. And he said that “I just learned the 83rd version that won’t work…”.

If Steven Apple hadn’t bombed in college and gone to calligraphy class instead, our computers wouldn’t have cool font choices. Most wildly successful millionaires have gone bankrupt an average of seven times. When they finally figure out their formula for success, they make their money and they know how to handle it.

Our purpose here is to play. We are here to experience ourselves as part of the creator. You cannot fail when you’re playing. Enjoying the play, experimenting with what is and what could be, and using imagination to create innovation is what it’s all about – and that can’t happen without generating some unexpected results along the way.

Bottom line: experiment with everything because failure is impossible.

3. If we weren’t supposed to be here, we wouldn’t be.

Against the odds, we have somehow made it this far… when we hit ‘speed bumps’ in life, they are telling us that there is more to learn and that we have to slow down to get it. That’s all. We are exactly where we need to be right now with the right skills with the right experiences. We are creating our world as we go, and it’s important for us to get maximum experience from everything we do – it does add up over time.

Bottom line: if we don’t like where we are today, do something different today to get a different tomorrow.

4. It’s a disservice for me (or anybody else) to do ‘too much’ for other people.

If I take on other people’s “stuff”, it is actually an act of sabotage because I’m not letting them learn. And if they don’t get to learn in the moment, their lesson will come back only bigger and louder next time to make sure they get it. So it’s on me when people suffer in the future because I’ve handled their stuff when they needed to learn by handing it on their own. And I’ve detracted from my energy to do something I can’t do anyway.

Bottom line: Being an emotional Sherpa hobbles everyone from growing.

5. It’s all about choices.

We each have the luxury of being able to choose from a plethora of opportunities every day. It can be overwhelming, actually. And when we make a choice, it’s going to give us a different experience – that’s all. We can make different choices as we go, but we will always have the benefit of learning from the last choice we made. A lot goes into making good choices, from inner knowingness to potential consequences to the practicalities of the choice. And we are the only person who can make our own choices.
Bottom line: a good choice will get positive results; a new choice will get new results.

“What we ponder and what we think about sets the course of our life. Any day we wish; we can discipline ourselves to change it all. Any day we wish, we can open the book that will open our mind to new knowledge. Any day we wish, we can start a new activity. Any day we wish, we can start the process of life change. We can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year.

“We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause. As Shakespeare uniquely observed, “The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves.” We created our circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today.”
~ Jim Rohn

6. Having trust in the right outcome saves energy.

I have found that by releasing attachment to what I want, the right thing happens for me. I am in absolute knowingness that it is the totally right thing for me right now in my life, so I don’t worry about what could / might / should happen someday in the future.

By being present, I am doing what I know to do and don’t worry about anybody else. I don’t worry that the right thing won’t happen. I trust the results to be at least the best I could conceive but probably better than I could think up on my own. And I’m my own yardstick for success.

Bottom line: release attachment to the outcome by being present and by knowing that what happens is exactly what I need to receive.

7. Time is my greatest currency.

Having boundaries around my time is claiming my value confidently with the world. It also reinforces that I am putting my energy intentionally where and with whom I want to invest it.

Making decisions quickly allows for fast action and keeps time moving. Even if I make a decision that gets unexpected results, it’s better than not making a decision and being a victim in reaction to the circumstance. It’s like driving in traffic – if I take too long in deciding whether to pass someone, the passing hole in the other lane closes (although another will eventually open).

Bottom line: do what I can today in each and every moment with conscious intention; honoring time honors me.

8. Looking like a duck doesn’t mean that I’m not in my power.

If I want to work with ducks, it’s easier if I look like a duck than if I look like the swan I am. I used to think that making my image conform to what others expected me to look like meant that I was selling out, or not staying in my power. Now I’ve figured out they actually have less resistance if I meet them where they are in their minds, so I have many bird bodies that change on a daily basis (hummingbird, goose, pelican, emu…). It’s my energy that’s more important than how it’s packaged, and I’m secure in that, so why NOT look like a duck?

On top of that, a bonus discovery is that our bodies don’t lie. Our physical bodies tell us exactly what our beliefs are, like an external mirror. Sigh. ‘Nuff said there.

Bottom line: Accept and own my power by looking like whatever feels right, including being a duck.

9. Cleaning from the inside out gives me new possibilities.

When I feel my feelings fully, and handle whatever comes up or needs clearing, my external world opens up with all kinds of new opportunities. In being who I am from the inside out, my world becomes cleaner, and the people in it are more authentically my match.

Bottom line: Cleaning from the inside out is the most powerful way to create shift and attract what’s right for me.

10. Believe people when they show who they are to me.

I have been blessed with the gift to see people’s innermost essence – the light that lives at the core of their true being. This is a very wonderful thing, except for when I respond to people at that essence level and they themselves aren’t there yet! If people are still learning their lessons, and haven’t experienced their own inner light yet, it’s my responsibility to see them where they are right now clearly and unconditionally. And I can’t allow myself to be blindsided by their reality (or their story) just because I happen to be able to see their potential.

Bottom line: accept people for who they are right now and hold space that they can see their magnificence through my eyes when they’re ready.

11. We see / say what we know / need.

We often see in other people what we know for ourselves, and what we say is a reflection of what we need to know / do / be. Thinking of my mirrors with this kind of awareness helps me to see the programmed filters that I inherited from other people and unconsciously kept in place.

When there is a big story from one of my clients about a colleague or family member or whoever / whatever, I pay attention to what they notice about their situation and how they choose to communicate it for clues as to what is up for them in the moment. It’s one of the most powerful tools I use in helping people shift by helping them understand themselves better.

Bottom line: Pay attention to what I see in my world and what I have to say about it.

12. Focus on what I want.

It sounds simple but a lot of times it used to be more a mindset of running away from what I DIDN’T want, which only created more of THAT. So, being happy makes more happiness, focusing on the abundance in my life brings more.

I used to focus on “the money”, and couldn’t figure out how it eluded me – until I figured out that the underlying thought was that I didn’t have it and I was always pursuing it. I finally realized that creating must come from gratitude, having trust and a place of “havingness” so that I could recognize and enjoy whatever I created, rather than focusing on what I didn’t have. Because (here comes the circle) that meant that I was created not having more of what I didn’t have.

Bottom line: focus on my positive desires and how they are already present in my life.

13. My growth is measured by my discomfort.

It’s an oxymoron for one to grow comfortably – the growth process means growing out of where you were to a new place. Just as a root-bound plant shatters its container, so it is when people grow. So the degree of discomfort I am experiencing is a barometer of my personal growth. That is, stretching my comfort zone means I am comfortable more of the time. When I look at the worst, I know I can handle that – the rest is simple.

The other thing to know about growth is that it can’t happen when I limit who I am to keep other people comfortable. In fact, it robs them of a potential growth experience. People / situations / circumstances / expectations / beliefs require me to show up in all my available power and match my capacity to the possibility in each of them.

Bottom line: remember the relationship between discomfort and growth.

14. There’s power in persistence.

Over the last decade plus (since I started my business), I cannot tell you how many of my friends and loved ones have told me to give up on doing what I do because it’s too “woo-woo”, doesn’t fit what they know success to be and isn’t mainstream.

In high school, I was the class valedictorian, prom queen and people had high hopes that I would do something of note with all my gifts and intelligence. What I do now doesn’t fit the definition of whatever they had in mind. My response to them is that I can’t NOT do it – I am compelled by some internal drive that is beyond intellectual comprehension. And, I am – at long last! – helping people consistently to transform themselves, and therefore the world, one life at a time.

I have found that I just couldn’t give up on what I believe, even if I wasn’t quite sure what that meant through these years. I found that if I felt like giving up that I was within proverbial inches of getting a break. Now I know that something big is around my corner when I start to question my sanity.

Bottom line: keep investing and following through with what makes sense for me despite (or even contrary to) popular opinion.

15. Live lightly.

When we are in resistance, or have a commitment to struggle or drama or, really, anything, we are stopping the flow of life. By enjoying my life, I am in service to all of humanity. Besides, letting go of my resistance to what is allows it to pass more quickly.

And walking heavy (in all ways) takes so much more energy; we leave a “heavier” imprint on the world which takes energy to balance out after we are gone. The next time you want to practice this think of whether you’d like a butterfly or an elephant to sit on you, or whether you’d like to listen to the Eagles or Wagner, or whether you’d like to hang out with the happiest person you know or the most depressed person – you get the idea.

One of the keys to living lightly is to laugh often and with feeling in your whole body. Who can be heavy after a really good laugh?

Bottom line: live with the lightness of life itself – and have more fun!

16. Know that everybody is doing the best they can.

If people knew better, they would do better. And that includes me – if I had known years ago what I know now, I would do it differently. But I wouldn’t be where I am now if that were the case.

Anyway, trusting that people are inherently good is a big part of trusting the world in general. Part of my role here as a teacher, facilitator, healer, guide and mentor is to help people connect with that part of themselves in order to express it more fully. It’s one of the greatest joys of my work to see people make their own connections.

As for me, I do the best that I can every day. If I fall short of my own expectations (which, unfortunately, happens more than I’d care to admit!), I own it, love myself for my idiosyncrasies (mostly) and move on (as soon as I can). If I aim for the stars and I land on the moon, I’m still in good shape.

Bottom line: Meet and appreciate who people are, what they can do right now and love unconditionally.

17. Know what I know.

Sometimes I receive conflicting information – I know what my insides say but the outside shows me a different picture. It’s generally so much easier to go with what’s obvious, even if it’s not true, until I feel it going against the grain of myself. It is the most invalidating thing anybody can do to themselves.

Over time, I have learned to keep my own counsel, to be independent and open to receiving what I need to know. Sometimes I don’t need to know, so I don’t get any information…but, usually, I’ll get enough to determine whether the situation / message / person is for me or not. It helps me to solve my own problems, which, amazingly enough, are far less when I listen to my own stuff and not everybody else’s. Think of a radio station – I’m tuned in to my channel instead of the static or the noise of all the other channels.

Having that level of clarity is probably my most powerful tool, but it can be the hardest one for me to act from in a physical world way. It helps me be better able to help the people I work with to know their own inner guidance system by living from my own.

Bottom line: to quote a classic, to thine own self be true…

18. What’s mine is mine.

That is to say, what is mine to own will wait for me to catch up AND nobody else will be able to take it. That goes for both the good and the not-so-good… my greatness is waiting for me to claim it, AND I have to take care of my business as I go. It can’t be taken from me nor can I expect someone else to clean up after me (as much as I may want to give that part away!).

Bottom line: nobody else can own my stuff because (say it with me) it’s mine.

19. There’s no one exactly right perfect way most of the time.

Life is like a computer program – there’s usually at least three ways to do something to get the results you want. Waiting to know every possible thing, or searching for the exact perfect way instead of just doing it, or having expectations that something delegated will get done exactly how I would do it just doesn’t cut it. There’s a myriad of ways to do just about anything and some will get the same results, some will get similar results and some will just open completely new pathways. We’re all in the same boat – we are born, and we will someday leave our physical bodies and what we do in the middle is completely up to us as we go.

Bottom line: I’ll figure it out as I go, and trust that the process will get me to my end in exactly the way I was supposed to get there.

20. Taking one step changes the view.

Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s next, especially if going beyond what’s known, expected or familiar. By taking even one step, in any direction, now there’s a different view. Chinese masters knew this when they designed ‘moon gates’ for the gardens, which are statuary and arches to step through on the meandering path through the garden – each one offers a different view.

Bottom line: To get a fresh perspective on anything, take one step.